United States prepares to attack Wall Street!

It was widely reported today that the White House and Pentagon were completing plans to bomb Wall Street into submission as a final solution to bringing to an end the current year long string of economic problems fomented by the evildoers of high finance.

An unnamed but generally credible spokesperson close to the President said that Mr. Bush had decided that since bombing the Nazi death camps in Germany, some 60 years after the war had ended, would no longer be an effective tool to bring about the desired changes in Nazi behavior, but still feeling that since massive bombing somewhere in the world was always high on his list of personal diplomatic choices and having already set about bringing the US Air Force to Def Com One, its highest state of readiness, the President said he felt it would be a waste of the taxpayer's money not to make use of this opportune time to unleash the world's most lethal and effective fighting machine on the evil forces of Wall Street, which the President was quoted as saying, "now makes up the fourth corner of the triangle that is the axis of evil."

Flanked by Condi Rice and Hank Paulson and surrounded by the Joint Chiefs, the President when asked about the possibility of unacceptable civilian casualties, said he was assured that precision and laser guided bombing runs carried out after the dropping of propaganda leaflets advising any CEO's and CFO's not involved in the creation or marketing of SIV's or CDO's to evacuate the Street would preclude unnecessary deaths of innocent traders.

When pressed the President allowed that, "Yes, there would probably be some collateral damage but that it would amount to small numbers of dead innocent civilians." He went on to further explain that the Fed and Treasury had depleted or run out of any further useful methods of forcing the financial titans to their senses and besides the CIA had credible sources inside Citi, Merrill Lynch and Morgan Stanley that told of the further development of WFD's, which Ms Rice explained were "weapons of financial destruction."

She went on to also suggest that if the CEO's and CFO's that had, "instigated this frightful mess in the first place," would surrender within 24 hours of this announcement they would be allowed to resettle in southern Florida with their families, a reasonable size entourage and all vested stock remaining intact. Further they would be allowed the continued use of one private corporate jet and in a show of goodwill the Fed would cover all appropriate country club and golf fees for a period not to exceed 5 years beyond their resettlement dates.

At present it is not known whether the administration is willing to extend this offer to CEO's that had earlier fled into hiding after receiving "golden parachutes" on their way out.